Divorce is never an option.

I grew up in a home where the ‘d-word’ was never even mentioned in relation to my mom and dad. To this day, I still remember my parents sitting us down and telling us that we would never have to worry about them getting a divorce. Ever. I don’t remember the context of this conversation, or why my parents felt the need to give us this talk. Perhaps it was a TV sitcom that we were watching dealt with divorce. Or any number of things around us that could have started the nagging questions in the back of a child’s mind, forcing you to subconsciously wonder if the d-word would ever happen to your family. Whatever the context, my parents were perceptive enough to notice the nagging unspoken question on one particular day day, and they gave us the reassurance that even if we saw them disagree on something, we didn’t have to worry about them ever discussing the option of divorce. Thus, the ‘Divorce-Is-Never-An-Option’ mantra became one that was ingrained in my mind through my entire growing-up years… And I am extremely grateful for that. I am so thankful that my parents have set an example for us three kids, giving us the opportunity to see a marriage that has thrived for 30 years! (PS, happy anniversary, mom and dad – I love you!) ☺

As a child, I didn’t have any close friends whose parents had divorced, so the ‘d-word’ was never something I really had to face or interact with in my life. It was sort of a foreign concept to me, besides the occasional half-hour TV show that addressed the funny quirks about growing up in a mixed home, and the children learning how to become a blended family after their parents had remarried (Step By Step, anyone?).

But for me, and my family, divorce was never an option. Ever. That is how I grew up, and therefore, that is how I approached my marriage. You can imagine my inner turmoil, then, as I sat at the county courthouse, signing the paper that would end my marriage after a mere 19 months. Nineteen months prior, I had spoken my sacred vows to the man who I had thought the Lord had ‘made for me. My ‘soulmate. The man I was going to grow old with; the man I was going to walk beside, to serve God alongside. And suddenly I was hit with the fact that the one thing that was never an option was all of a sudden taking place in a very real way. I was getting divorced.


Me… the one who has always cared so much about appearing like she 'has her life together'. I was always the little girl who hated getting in trouble. The young woman who has toiled her whole life to do the ‘right’ thing. The student who worked hard through school to get those straight A’s. The woman who thought she was being selfless and somehow giving her life to God with reckless abandon. Always tring to ‘be good’ – to ‘do the right thing’ – and to ‘be in control.’ So what would it mean for me to face the fact that I was now a divorced woman? And how do I come to grips with the fact that God ‘hates divorce’? Does that also mean that he now hates me? And how do I explain my situation to people in the Christian community in a way that really explains the whole situation, so they will know that I did absolutely everything I could to try to fight for my marriage? How are people going to perceive me now that I am a ‘divorcee’? Will I be judged? Am I now in the ‘d-club’? How do I come to grips with this chapter in my life, when I hate the fact that I now have this ‘d-label’ on my chest for the rest of my life?

These are things I had to wrestle with after the divorce. Never in a million years would I have ever thought that I’d need to wrestle with these questions. It’s interesting to me now, looking back… seeing how it was fairly easy for me to work through my pain and wounds pretty quickly after everything happened. But the thing I struggled with most, the thing I didn’t want to accept, was the fact that God had allowed this to be a part of ‘my story.’ I didn’t want to accept it. How could divorce now be a part of my story? It was something that I had always hated. I never believed that divorce would be an option for me. I still hate divorce. I still don’t believe that divorce should be an option. I truly believe that God did not intend for a married man and woman to separate. He created marriage as something beautiful and sacred, and I believe His heart breaks when He sees this thing of beauty become torn apart and broken.

I am at the point now where I feel like I have fully embraced this as a part of my story. I’m coming to a place in this journey where I am able to look back at that chapter in my life and see how far I’ve come. I can see now how God was with me every step of the way. And the amazing thing is that I am actually THANKFUL for that chapter in my life. Now don’t get me wrong… I would NEVER want to go back and re-live that chapter. It was a horrible time, and the pain that I endured is a pain that I would never wish on my worst enemy.

And yet I am thankful for what I went through.

I am a different person today because of this chapter in my story. God has taken me through that time of pain, and he has brought me out and made me even more beautiful because of it. And I wouldn’t give that up for anything.

So here I am... I am learning to embrace this part of my story.

"Your Hands" - by JJ Heller

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

Your hands
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still