Introduction:
This is not a story that will delve into the biblical teachings on divorce. I am not going to write an exposition on why Moses allowed for divorce in Leviticus, or why Jesus said a divorced woman should not get remarried in Matthew. I am not going to give evidence of my case as if I were a defendant on trial, with the intent of justifying why my divorce was ok according to Biblical standards. I am simply going to tell my story. I am writing this story for myself: to document, to look back, to remember. To remember all that God has done, and to simply reflect on his unfailing and perfect love through a situation that was seemingly hopeless and completely devoid of love.
This is not a story about how I have found ‘true love’ since my divorce. I have not. I am still single. If you are looking for a romantic ‘second-chance-love-story’ that will ignite a spark of hope and promise that you, too, may get remarried after divorce… I’m sorry, but this is not a story for you.
This is a different kind of story. Still a love story, yes. But one that goes deeper than a human tale of first dates and butterflies and romancing. More than a story of how God ‘makes things all better.’ More than a flippant regurgitation of Christian clichés aimed to make you feel better in a moment of sadness. This story goes beyond these things, for it is a love story of divine proportions. This is the story of how God is taking my mourning and giving me joy; how he is replacing my ashes for a crown of beauty. Yes, this story ends with joy, love, and hope. But in order to get to that point, this story must also go through the lowest of lows, to face that moment where nothing makes sense, and where everything seems to be ending. Because in order to see and appreciate the fullness of the beauty that comes at the end of the story, one must also experience the pain.
A note to the reader:
While I was going through the worst of the worst, in the absolute lowest point of my story… I did not want to even pick up one ‘Christian’ book. I did not want someone to tell me that ‘all things worked for the good if only you love God.’ I simply wanted honesty. I wanted someone to be real and raw with me. To tell me that this situation sucked, and that God hated it. My life was stripped down to nothing, and I wanted someone to see that; to meet me in that place. I didn’t need clichés; I needed someone to be real with me. If you are in a place like this, please know that I understand. I am going to attempt to be as real as possible, to strip down my words and show what I was feeling and experiencing when I was in that place. Although I am in a better place now, a place of beauty rather than mourning… I want to be sensitive and remember that some of you are still in that place of mourning. And that is OK. Please do not feel like you need to get out of that place as quickly as possible; please do not feel like I am saying you need to strive to jump out of that so that you can join me here on the ‘other side’ which is called beauty. The place of mourning is a normal and very necessary place for you. Enter into that place and embrace it as part of your story. Enter into that pain and truly experience the emotions. Wrestle with God through this. Find people who will walk with you through this, who will enter your place of mourning with you and sit with you there. Then, when the time comes and you have fully experienced the deep valleys of your place of mourning… that place of beauty that emerges almost unnoticed, as it creeps into your heart like the rising mist of the morning sunrise across a field… that subtle emergence of your place of beauty will take your breath away. When that moment comes, you will experience new emotions and a new season. It will come.
“Wait, the Light Will Come” – Phil Wickham
To the one with the wounded heart
The years fighting have left you scarred
Wait the light will come
To the one with the distant eyes
All this crying has left you dry
Wait the light will come
Wait the light will come
Lift your eyes
The sun has overcome the night
Come alive As we shine in loves true light
Here is laughter beyond the tears
Here is courage to face your fears
Look the light has come
So rise you daughters and stand you sons
Claim the victory that Jesus won
Look the Light has come
Look the Light has come
No comments:
Post a Comment