Opposite.

I still remember the sick feeling in my stomach when I heard the news. My ex-husband is getting remarried. To a woman he met at a bar. To a woman he started dating before we were even officially divorced. My stomach churned when I found out, and that night, I cried. It felt like the final blow, the last slap in the face from this man who had inflicted so much pain in my life over the past few years. I had known it was coming. My dream had prepared me for it, although in reality, nothing can truly prepare you for something like that. The knowing doesn’t negate the pain that is inevitably going to hit you when you hear that kind of news.

The next morning, my alarm woke me with the song ‘beauty for ashes.’ A new day brought a new perspective on the situation, and that morning also brought a new conviction in my heart.

In hearing the news, my sinful heart immediately wants to wish for the worst for this man and his new wife. Why should he have the opportunity to start over; why should he have a fresh start, when he never even made amends or apologized for what he left behind? So what does my heart immediately want to wish upon him? That this new marriage will end. That he will feel just a portion of the pain that I felt. That other people around him will see what a fake he is. That he will be unhappy in this new marriage. That ‘justice’ will prevail.

And so what conviction did God place in my heart that day?

“OPPOSITE.”

One simple word. Opposite. The exact opposite of what I would immediately want to wish upon this man… THAT is what I needed to pray that day. As difficult as it was to hear, it was also very freeing. To be able to pray for this man and his new wife… to pray for the exact opposite of what was initially in my heart… For some reason, God asked me pray for this man and his marriage. To pray that they would come to know the Lord, to understand the fullness of marriage and what it means to reflect God’s character through the marriage covenant. That they would prosper and find true joy in their marriage. That their marriage would succeed, that it would not end in pain or divorce. Blessings instead of curses. The complete opposite of what my heart would want to wish upon them.

Please know that this is absolutely NOT something that I am doing on my own or by my own strength. Please don’t tell me what an amazing gal I am, and don’t think that I am so strong for doing this. It is not me. Let me repeat: it is NOT ME. I do not understand it. All I can say is… it’s God.

Later that same day, I was riding my bike on these awesome trails near my apartment in Costa Mesa. I was enjoying the beauty, and I was also reflecting on what God had asked me to pray for that morning. (I was still perplexed). As I was thinking about it, I happened to pass by this scene below. A beautiful, blooming plant with white flowers... placed smack dab right beside this dead, black, brittle bush with cobwebs growing on it. My heart stopped for a moment and all I could think about was that word that God had put in my heart that morning. Opposite. It was a visual picture of what God can do. That he can create something beautiful out of something that was once only a place of ashes. How he can change my heart and prompt me to pray for blessings in place of curses. What kind of God is this? He is truly amazing.